The odd thing about adulthood and motherhood, which have both been recently thrust upon me, is that they have both forced me to consider a few things about myself. I’m not sure what I expected, but this process of coming of age and raising a tiny human has been a little different than I thought it would be. These things have defied so many of my expectations for the better. One thing that’s surprised me, the extreme extrovert, is how much more introspective I’ve become. Lately, more than ever, I’ve been asking myself questions like, who am I? Who do I want to be? Admittedly, these questions haven’t always been at the forefront of my thoughts about myself. I’ve spent way too much (probably the majority, if I’m honest) of my life wondering about what other people think of me. As much as I like to pretend that I present myself a certain way because that’s how I am and what I prefer, sometimes I’m guilty of over-emphasizing the parts of me that will garner approval from the people I’m with at the time, or if it’s not possible to please them all, will appeal to the majority of people.
Why in the world? The more I think about it, the more I realize that this is a silly way to live. God has made me to be who I am, and I’ve spent a lot of time fretting over the fall-out when I let that person shine through to someone who disagrees with me, or dislikes something I like, or even thinks I’m obnoxious or wrong or silly.
Good grief. This is rather cathartic, isn’t it? I wasn’t expecting that. But I like it.
So I’m committing, here, publicly, to be truer to myself more often. There are people who won’t like that, surely, but that’s okay. I can’t be everyone’s favorite. There are just too many delightful people worthy of favoritism for that to happen. I understand that this is more of a process than an event, but it has to start somewhere. And here is where it will start!
photo cred: Jeanne Pope of Red Cole Photo.