an exercise in futility

The thing about attempting to prepare for a baby is that it just doesn’t really seem possible.  How do you prepare for such a huge life change?  Certainly, you have to physically prepare a space and get a bassinet, or crib, or something, so there’s that.  But really preparing?  I have no idea.  Women talk about experiencing nesting, which I’ve felt at some points as well, but overwhelmingly, I just don’t feel ready.  Our house is a complete mess, we don’t really have a nursery set up, and overall, this baby’s arrival just seems like a nebulous future event that may or may not happen.  But, newsflash–it’s happening.  Probably sooner than later, honestly, and here we are, totally unprepared.

So, I thought that maybe writing a letter to the baby would help.  If I don’t know how to fully prepare for his/her arrival, then at least preparing to start a relationship with a new little person will help, right?  So, here goes:

Dear little one,

It’s really hard to believe that I’ll be meeting you for the first time in a few short weeks!  I’m so excited and I can’t really fathom what our relationship will be like.  You will be my only first child.  I will know you the longest of all of my future children, should you be blessed to have siblings, and that’s kind of special!  I don’t even know if you’re going to be a girl or a boy yet, which is funny.

I am so excited to see you grow.  I can’t wait to teach you all about the world and watch you discover what I love about it.  I’m excited to find some things about life that we both love to enjoy together.  I can’t wait to teach you to read.  My mom taught me how really young, even though I protested, and it’s still one of the best gifts she ever gave me!  And I’m sure that you’ll have a lot to teach me as well.

It seems like a huge privilege and responsibility to start this new relationship with you.  It’s going to be different than my relationship with anyone else.  I’ve never had someone need me or depend on me like you will, and sometimes that scares me.  I don’t want to let you down.  I know that I will, sometimes, but I hope that I always apologize.  I hope that I admit when I’m wrong and that I set a good example to you of making it right when I’ve messed up.

Most of all, I hope that you are happy, and know that you are loved.  I hope that even when we don’t get along, which will happen sometimes, that we respect and understand each other.  I hope that we will be kind to each other and teach each other to grow in grace.

Most of all, I hope that my actions and my life speak so clearly to you about the God who gave you to me.  The most important relationship I can teach you about is the one with your Savior, which I pray you begin early and enjoy for your whole life.  He makes it all make sense–and loves you so unconditionally.  It’s really amazing and life-changing, and I hope that you will know the peace and love that comes only from a relationship with him.

Your dad and I love you already, little one, and we can’t wait to finally “meet” you!  See you soon 🙂

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